As I write this post, Grady is having a case of the hiccups. God I am really going to miss this. I've been a little more emotional than usual these past few days. Partly because I'm anxious knowing that any minute Grady will be making his grand entrance into the world and Dave and I will become mommy and daddy - a new role we are both so eager to take on. But also because I will miss my pregnancy. I would be lieing if I didn't admit that I have wished some of the last two weeks away, especially the cankle situation and the fact that my left leg no longer appears to have a knee cap - so disturbing! (and while we're discussing swelling, if one more person tells me to drink more water I may go psycho on their ass! Seriously, I drink about a gallon a day and no I don't eat salty foods and it really doesn't matter, the swelling is here until I give birth.) But this little case of the hiccups right now, and my time with Dave when we lay in bed and just smile because we know our little monkey will be in between us soon, and the times when I totally freak myself out because I feel like an eternity went by since the last time I felt him move (which was probably only an hour or so) and I tap my fingers on my belly and within seconds Grady pokes me right back, almost as if he knows I just freaked myself out and he's saying "chill mom, i'm good." I will miss all of this so much.
I will admit, however, that all of the sudden I am terrified of giving birth. Up until this week, I hadn't given it much thought or concern. I had blindly taken the position that whatever happens happens and I totally meant it. Perhaps too many ladies I know have had horror stories of their recent births, or maybe I snuck in a few episodes of TLC's Baby Story, but for whatever reason I have now convinced myself that Grady is a 10 pounder and this is about to get ugly. And then there's the other "unmentionable" concern that NO ONE talks about...pooping. Yes, I said it, pooping ... as in pooping while pushing. I am TERRIFIED this is going to happen. I realize it happens to almost everyone, whether they will admit it or not, but I'm terrified that not only will I poop on the table, but with that will come the loudest fart ever. I've had this reoccuring dream - scratch that nightmare - that I'm pushing with everything I have and then bam, I poop and fart such a fierce fart that my doctor's hair goes flying back like he's riding down the highway with his windows down. (sidenote - I don't know why in this dream my doctor is a man b/c all of the OB docs in my practice are women - weird!) Oh well, no turning back now, but it does feel a little cleansing (no pun intended) to voice my concerns. Just sayin...
And with this comes what I hope to be my last belly shot... I'm sure you've noticed that the last two pics of my very large belly have not included my smiling face. No I am not trying to hide something hideous or anything, rather I'm completely out of energy when I get home from work, so belly shot is what you get :)
So you're probably wondering what the doctors say about my progress (and if you're not you should be!) Well, no changes whatsoever. I must admit I'm a little disappointed with each weekly visit because I thought for sure I'd be a little dialated. But no, nothing. I go back this Thursday and I may ask for a second opinion if she says still no changes! Of course I asked my doc how far they will let me go until they induce labor. I even gave this sob story about how far I commute to work (of course leaving out the fact that I've only worked 2-3 days a week for the past two weeks) and its the winter (not pointing out the obvious that its been 60 degrees out) and I'm swelling, blah, blah, blah. But all I got back was this look like "lady, get in line and you are NOT special" and she told me 14 days. Yikes. But because my doctors don't seem the slightest bit interested in inducing me around my due date, I've started trying a few home remedies myself. I had a little red wine - nada. I've been walking the mall like one of those cute old ladies you see in the morning - zip. I heard about this bakery in Charlottesville, Virginia that swears that women who eat their Lemon Drop cupcakes go into labor within hours so I baked my big ol' butt off and proceeded to eat 4 cupcakes - nothing. I may have tried another thing or two but I'm not getting into that! I'm hoping that Grady showing no signs of coming in the next day or two means that he will be really laid back.
For now, I will sit back and enjoy this little case of the hiccups and smile at the fact that whether Grady comes tomorrow or on the 23rd, he will be here in less than 3 weeks regardless and that absolutely melts my heart!
XOXO,
Court
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